So today is Mother’s Day?
My name is Kuleen, and it is ok if we don’t celebrate Mother’s Day, Valentines Day, my anniversary, or even my birthday.
Celebrating those holidays just isn’t my thing.
I know lots, probably most, people enjoy them, so I had to ask myself why I don’t care about those holidays.
My Love Language
Ever hear about this thing called Love Languages?
Churches hold entire seminars and retreats to so people can figure out their Love Language and how to use that knowledge to get along better with their spouse.
I’ve never actually learned what my official Love Language, but I don’t need to pay someone or take a seminar to figure it out.
Words of Affirmation
Greeting cards dripping with sentiment? Hate them and they go straight in the trash.
Sweet nothings from my husband? I would worry that he was up to something.
Chick flicks? I couldn’t stand The Notebook, but Bridesmaids was pure genius.
I think 99% of all sentimentality is insincere schmaltz.
It is safe to say Words of Affirmation is probably not my thing.
Flowers or candy? All I will think about is how much they cost because it was a holiday. There are very few things that I want that require a special event in order to justify the expense.
No lie. Before we were married, I told my husband if he ever shows up unexpectedly with flowers, I will assume he has done something so horrible I will want to divorce him.
That rules out Receiving Gifts as my Love Language.
Celebrating with a family dinner at a restaurant? I would rather get a root canal than wait to get poor service, surrounded by 100’s of people I don’t know at a restaurant on a holiday.
Enjoy an activity together with the family? My ideal Mother’s Day is for my family to go away and leave me in the house alone. Better yet, send me to a hotel by myself.
There goes Quality Time as my Love Language.
Unsolicited hugs, kisses & cuddles or pats on the arm? No. Just no. I’m an adult with sensory integration issues. I RARELY like to be touched, and when I do, it is on MY terms.
So please, please, please, don’t hug me unless I try to hug you first.
So Physical Touch is not just a no, but a hell no.
Acts of Service
You want to give me a gift? Clean my kitchen, fold my laundry, make me dinner, take my dogs to get their nails trimmed, offer to drive me kids to an activity, or do my grocery shopping.
I would love ANYTHING that will take a chore off my plate.
Makes total sense, because these are the types of gifts that I give.
My best friend’s husband has heart surgery? Other friends brought activities for her daughter while they were waiting in the hospital or a tablecloth, flowers, and real silverware to eat a fast-food dinner in the hospital.
I brought a new blood pressure cuff for her husband to use when he got home, and I sat at the hospital with her for the entire day, so I could help with anything she needed.
No wonder Mother’s Day isn’t my jam
The rituals of holidays like Mother’s Day, Valentine’s, anniversaries, and birthdays revolve around expressing our feelings, giving gifts we wouldn’t buy for ourselves, spending time together, and showing love through physical affection.
It is no wonder that with a Love Language of Acts of Service, these holidays are not my thing.
Knowing this makes me feel less guilty that I don’t share the joy other people have for these holidays.